


Never knew love could hurt this good

by remusmoonyblack-lupin (moonlightgalleon)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Multi, cw alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 18:56:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7326421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightgalleon/pseuds/remusmoonyblack-lupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus' parents are again harassing him about getting into a relationship when he just blurts out that he is in fact dating his best friend and flatmate Sirius Black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I first posted this on my tumblr

Remus was slightly anxious as he made his way back to the flat. The weekend with his parents did not go as well as he expected and he ended blurting nonsense at them. Sure he felt so attacked at that moment, but the question remains: would Sirius be annoyed? Would he play along? Or just blatantly refuse and let Remus deal with the aftermath of his lies.

_“So love, are you dating anyone?” His mum asked with a sweet smile._

_Remus nearly groaned and threw his head backwards in the middle of the dinner. Nearly. That was his parents’ favourite subject. His love life. Or lack of, rather. They harassed him about that so often in the last months. Taking a deep breath and hoping that would be enough to not snap at her, he smiled. “No mom. I’m not seeing anyone.”_

_“But Remus, you’re such a pretty boy…” That was true. Not the conventional over-polished white boy with blond hair, straight white teeth and straight hair. But he was really attractive with the his tawny curls resting on his head-just above his ears- his amber eyes, a large nose and s light overbite that showed when he smiled widely. “…you just find a nice girl and marry her.” Remus realised she was still talking as his mind as had wandered away. His father was nodding encouragingly at Hope’s words._

_And there they were again. They knew he was bisexual. Remus made his coming out to them pretty early in his teenage years. And yet, his parents all so often ignored the fact that he might very well date a boy as he might date a girl. To be honest, he does prefer boys. “Mom, being pretty does not me dateable. And I am already seeing someone in fact. It’s kind of new though.” He added the last part as he noticed his father opening his mouth, no doubt to mention something about grandchildren and what so. Apparently, he was just a heir-maker._

_“Ah that’s great Re. And who is she?”_

_Ah there it was. The catch. There wasn’t anyone. He was undeniably single and pining over his best friend and flatmate. Since fourth year to be honest. Sirius Black-his life-long crush. At this point, it might even be love. One-sided though._

_“Well his name is…” just think about some vague name. They don’t need to know. “…Sirius.” Fuck. He was himself shocked at the name that came out of of his lips. Though, he look of shock in his parents’ face might be worth it._

Remus was still standing in front of the door to his and Sirius’ flat together. How was he supposed to break that news? ‘Hey Sirius just told my parents you’re my boyfriend because I’ve been pining after for you and I am so bloody pathetic. What do you think of pizza for dinner?’ That sounded bad even in his head.

Breathing deeply, he turned the knob and entered. He had about two seconds to brace himself before hr received a handful of the black haired man. Sirius Black-the man with absolutely no boundaries- was hugging him so tightly. “Moons you’re back. Missed you so much. Can you believe Jamie, Lils and Reg are planning to adopt two cats? Cats! The treason!” He kept on babbling on how his weekend went on as he pulled the taller man to the couch. He plonked the two of them onto the couch and picked Remus’ feet to place them on his lap-allowing him to lie a bit. He knew how exhausting those weekends with his parents were.

“And how was your weekend?” Sirius asked him with a soft smile as he massaged the heel of his foot. That moment had been so good that he had almost forgotten about this issue.

“Ah well. I’m glad you asked. You know how my parents always pester me about marrying a nice girl and get some kids. Well I told them I was saying someone.” He averted his gaze at that moment. He could not bare to keep looking at those curious and concerned grey eyes. Sirius even cocked his head to the side-in a way that made Remus want to confess all his feelings and even hope that the other man would reciprocate those. “I erm told them that I was actually dating…you.” He said the last part in such a low voice that he wasn’t even sure Sirius heard him. Or maybe he hoped that he wouldn’t hear.

“Me?” Sirius in a completely neutral voice. Remus raised his head at that to look at him. It frustrated him how he could not read Sirius’ expression at that moment. He could tell it was intense, his grey eyes unflinching and fixed on his. Remus felt panic going through him. He could not admit to his feeling now. Not now. Not after all this time. He could not lose Sirius now. Not his best friend.

“Ah well you’re the first name that came to my mind,” he said in a high-pitch and fake-cheery voice. The raven haired man’s face flicked through several emotions-none of which Remus could decipher-until it settled on an easy-going smile.

“Well you are my little ickle Moons. I can do this for you. Anyway what do you want to watch?” He asked as he lounged more comfortably onto the sofa, his hand dropping from Remus’ foot.

“Thanks Pads. You choose. I’m going for a shower and I’ll be back.” Sirius only made a humming sound. He could not help his disappointment as he made his way to their shower. He had hoped that maybe… Well it was stupid anyway. Why would Sirius want to settle for him when he could literally have anyone else? He should be grateful that he accepted to play along. At least that was what he constantly repeated to himself as he showered with his favourite lemon shower gel.


	2. Chapter 2

Neither of them really mentioned the fake-dating over the course of the next weeks except when Remus received the weekly calls from his parents. They insisted on talking to Sirius each time and though the tawny haired man found excuses each time, his parents were insistent. The first time they called, the two flatmates were cuddling on their couch. Although he was taller, Remus had managed to place his head on Sirius’ chest, winding his arms around his waist and his legs were at a slightly awkward angle. It was during those moments that Sirius allowed himself to pretend that they were not pretending about dating and they were actually doing it. He knew this might end badly-he could accidently blurt out his feelings to Remus or he would be way too hurt when Remus would decide that this situation lasted long enough and it was time to fake a break-up or anything really. He didn’t think he could take a rejection, how fake it was from this man.

He had realised his feelings for his friend at the end of sixth year. Remus was paired with some Ravenclaw bloke(Dirk Cresswell he would be lying if he said he did not remember his name) for a chemistry project and he had not been able to concentrate on his work at all since he was too busy glaring at Dirk’s hand on Remus’ knee. _How dared him touch him like that? My Moony. I mean our Moony. Moony as a friend._ And if only that had stopped there. But no! The bastard insisted on having lunch with the prefect and even flirted ( _flirted!_ ) with Remus. What was worse was the fact that Remus seemed to actually enjoy the attention and had even agreed to a date. Seeing Remus coming out of the shower shirtless that evening did _things_ to him. He swore he could not detach his eyes from the boy.

“Hey Pads do you think I should wear the grey or green sweater?” he asked from under the towel he used to dry his curls.

“Look at that! Our dear Moonshine wants to look pretty for his date! Our ickle small boy is becoming big!” James all but shouted and waggled his eyebrows.

“Date?” Sirius decided to not mind that sinking feeling in his stomach for now.  
“Oh erm with Dirk,” Remus answered avoiding his eyes. “Guess I’ll go for the green one.” And on that he actually fled from the dorms. As he turned, he ignored James giving him a pitying look and went straight to his bed.

Sirius was still awake when Remus came back to the dorms later that night. He was lying in his bed, listening intently to every sound until he heard the door open, the quiet footsteps and clothes being dropped onto the floor. He had to use all his self-control to not move onto Remus’ bed and demand how the date went, if he had the intention of going again or just tell him that he was happy for him. Because he was. In spite of the way he felt his insides turning to lead when he imagined them kissing, he wanted Remus to have his share of happiness. But he did nothing and forced himself to just stay in his bed. Pining all by himself.

Eight years years later he was pining over his best friend. He was already dozing off when Remus suddenly tensed and moved rapidly to grab his phone. With an apologetic glance to Sirius he said it was his parents and swiped the screen to answer.

“Hi mum…yeah I’m fine and you two?…Yes Sirius is good too. Oh erm this might not be a good…fine.”

“She wants to talk to you.”

Sirius swallowed and reached for the phone.

-Hello Mrs Lupin. How are you?  
-Call me Hope please. Or even better call me Mam. (Sirius already felt his cheeks warming up at that.) I’m fine but forget about me and let’s talk about you. How come Remus never told he was dating someone as pretty as you? (His cheeks were bright red by this point.)  
-Erm…it’s pretty new I guess  
-Oh nonsense. He’s been pining after you for ages (His stomach did a somersault). You should come and visit. In fact no, even better, we’ll come. Say in two weeks time.

They continued talking-well Mrs Lupin Hope talked and Sirius tried to make some sensible comments- and gave back the phone to Remus for goodbyes.

***

That night found Sirius in James’, Lily’s and Regulus’ flat. The four of them were sprawled over the couch and the floor, slightly drunk. Remus had a night shift and he did not fancy spending the night alone. He was feeling a bit depressed about the whole situation and barged into his friends’ and brother’s flat demanding alcohol and cuddles. James, as always, asked nothing and gave him space until he felt ready to let everything out. He was carding his fingers through James’ head, which was resting on his thigh while his other brought the beer to his lips when he declared loudly and to no-one in particular: “I am bloody pathetic.”

 Reg snorted loudly. “That we all knew.” The older Black rolled his eyes at his sibling, took another swig and sighed deeply. “Remus and I are pretending to be in a relationship.” The reaction was immediate: Reg choked on the sip he just took, Lily’s eyes widened almost comically and James moved immediately to face Sirius properly.

“I am so pathetic that I am actually satisfied with fake dating. My life is such a mess right now.” And like that all those repressed thoughts about the past weeks came pouring out. All the insecurities, the insatisfaction, the fears, everything. He could not even bear to look at the sad eyes of the three other that he had to throw his head back and stared at some vague point in the ceiling, blinking rapidly to push away those tears prickling his eyes. Feeling a large hand palming his cheek, he lowered his head to meet concerned hazel eyes. “No love, you are not pathetic. You love him and we all do stupid things for love,” James said fiercely. He smiled softly at his best friend and raised to pour some whiskey for him. The next morning he woke in a tangle of limbs, an awful headache and six messages from Remus.


	3. Chapter 3

He had an awful headache as he raised his head from James’ thigh and moved his hand around for his phone. _6 messages and 4 missed calls_ All from Remus. Even in his groggy state, Sirius could feel himself getting worried and scared. Remus was not one to call or text often. In fact, he avoided that as much as he could. Sirius and James had always joked about how he was really an old grandpa in a sexy young body with old grandpa clothes. And now he had tried, in vain, to reach the raven-haired man especially on a night shift.

“H'llo” Sirius smiled when Remus’ croaky voice came from the phone. He could picture him looking all sleep-ruffled, his eyes still closed and shirtless lying on his bed.

“Re, hi it’s me. Erm why-”

“Sirius? Sirius yes, where are you?”

“At Jamie’s. Reg and Lily are here as well.”

“Okay. You got to come back immediately. My parents will  be here around midday. That was why I called you last night. I tried to-”

“It’s fine Moons. I’ve got- _fuck-_ less than two hours but that’s fine. I’m on my way.” Sirius was already standing, hoping on one foot while trying to put on his right shoe and keeping the phone cradled between his ear and shoulder.

“See in twenty then.” Finally admitting defeat, he locked his phone, put it down and crouched to put on his show properly, only to come face-to face with the three others sporting the exact same expression. It was frightening how Lily and Reg mastered the special _Potter-I-am-concerned-for-you-because-I-love-you-and-can’t-help-being-a-mother hen._ Apparently being in a romantic relationship with Prongs met changing into him.

“What?” he asked behind a sigh though he knew what was coming. He had expected since last night in fact when he blurted everything. They exchanged a glance (which Sirius could not help find irritating).

“Are you sure this is a good idea Pads? I am sure if you talk to Remus not even to tell him about your feelings-though I am sure that would be very enlightening for the two of you-but you ought to tell him that it’s hard for you to act like that.”  
“I know Jamie but… it’s just for when his parents are here.”

The taller man sighed but gave him a small smile. Sirius kissed the three of them goodbye and made his way outside. He was debated for two seconds between the tube or walking before he decided that the fresh air would be good for his mind.

James’ words were still on his mind. He knew that this _thing_ was not really healthy and yet did not really want to end it-no matter how fake it was. He could not help feeling a bit jealous of the relationship of those three. Not that it had been easy with James and Lily tumultuous start and then Reg being taken in by the Potters. Lily had backed off to let the two boys be together, for finally the three of them being in a relationship. And of course, they had their rough patches, especially when Lily’s sister came to theirs just to sneer and mumble about fetishes. Needless say, Lily cut her off her life but she had been sad losing her sister just months after her parents.

***

Remus was frantically trying to pick everything lying on the floor, while taming his curls and buckling his belt when Sirius arrived at the flat. What was worst was that despite him being all flustered and a bit stressed, Sirius still found him endearing. Though to be honest, he finds Remus reading endearing (so he might not be the best judge). Even though his parents were very kind and loved their son a lot, there were still those passive-aggressive comments on Remus’ choices:like how he chose to do English Litt at uni instead of maths(despite Remus being the best in their year in maths), or him getting tattoos.

“hi”

“Hey, there are some pain-killers on the counter. You can have them after your shower. I’m going to pick some noodles. I’ll make fried noodles.” Sirius only had time to nod before Remus rushed outside. He absolutely loved when Remus cooked. The tawny haired boy took Food Studies and though he did not like it, he was quite good at it.

***

The lunch passed quite well. Hope and Lyall taking to Sirius as soon as they saw him. Even though they had already met him before, they could not stop cooing about how happy they were for their son (much to the relief of Remus). The food was excellent as always. They kept the conversation only on light subjects, talking about how university was going for both of them, Remus’ job and their professional plans after.

Each time Remus laughed or took his hand under the table, Sirius could not help the warmth pooling in his belly. Remus excused himself at some point for an important phone call, leaving Sirius alone with his parents. His worry of it being awkward without Remus was immediately squashed when Hope smiled at him and asked him about Reg and himself.

“I am very glad that my son found someone like you.” Hope said while taking his hand and smiling warmly at him. But despite that, Sirius started to feel guilty. His parents genuinely liked him and were sincere in everything they said. “You should see how he used to talk about you during Hogwarts time. You’d think the sun shines out of your arse. He thought he was discrete about it, but it was clear he liked you even then,” she continued oblivious of Sirius’ internal struggle.

Though it pleased him to hear that, he knew that was not true. He would have known. He had lived with the boy since they were eleven, he would have been able to read the signs. But he didn’t say anything and let Hope go on for some time more, until Remus came back with some cookie dough ice cream (Sirius’ favourite), mumbling some apologies and some swear words about bosses with no consideration.

***

They were slumped on their couch, Sirius’ head on Remus’ thigh while his long fingers were carding through his hair. His parents were gone since two hours. “Moons I forgot to ask. Why did your boss call?”

“Mm” Remus removed his hand to mark his book and put it away, only returning it when Sirius whined at the loss of contact, “he wants me to have a shift tonight as well despite the fact I worked yesterday.”

"Want me to come around later?”

“Yeah. Bring Prongs, Lils and Reggie too.” He raised from the couch and stretched his back, exposing a sliver of skin(which Sirius found hard to detach his eyes from). “I’ll go now. Bye love.” He bend down for a kiss and then he was gone.

***

Sirius texted his brother about going out and tried to study a bit. They had agree to meet at his apartment and go to the bar together. As soon as they arrived there, Sirius felt his insides turning to lead. Remus was at the counter flirting with some bloke. Some fit bloke. They were both smiling, Remus doing his special flirting smile and was licking his lips way too often. The guy leaned forward to whisper something into the tall man’s ear and his ears pinked immediately.

It was then that Remus swiped his eyes over the pub and his eyes fell on them. Excusing himself, he made his way towards them. “hey guys.”  
“Getting lucking Moons?” He blushed but said nothing.

“What will you have?” They all gave their orders and he went back. _Back to him._ Sirius chose to ignore the looks of pity they were all giving him and chose to glare at the pair of men at the bar. Sirius felt like going back and crying when Remus disappeared through the back door along with the bloke. It could not be more clear that they had gone for a snogging session.

Remus did not manage to talk to them much, just him a text.

_don’t wait for me xxx_

Feeling utterly sick, Sirius did go back then. James dropped him and went away asking to text if he needed anything. He simply curled on himself and tried to ignore that heavy feeling in his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to call Remus and demand immediately he stops whatever he was doing, to demand that he does not go on dates and shag pretty boys he meets. But he did nothing. Just lied in his bed, hugging his pillow and finally allowing himself to give in to the prickling in his eyes.

***

The next morning he woke with a hollow feeling and confused as to why his pillow seemed wet when everything came crashing back. Despite wanting nothing more than to lie in bed all day, Sirius woke up and padded to the kitchen to face Remus. The boy was wearing one of his t-shirts and some pyjama bottoms, had a cup in his hands and was sporting a huge hickey on his neck. And like that, it was as if all the anger and rage from last night came back. His emotions felt like a dam breaking.

“Already back? I suppose your fuckbuddy didn’t want to feed you as well?” he snapped and noticed Remus giving a confused and hurt look from the corner of his eye. _Good_ he thought.

“What? And he’s not my fuckbuddy”

“Oh he’s not? So it’s just a habit of yours calling your friends and then SHAGGING THE FIRST GUY WHO GIVES YOU THE TIME?”

“What? Is that why you’re angry?”

“NO. I AM ANGRY BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO COME TO THE PUB AND THEN YOU IGNORE ME ALL THE TIME THERE. BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO PLAY ‘HOUSE’ WITH YOU FOR MUMMY AND DADDY.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO YELL. AND YOU WERE MORE THAN WILLING TO HELP ME FOR THAT AND NOW SUDDENLY IT’S TOO MUCH FOR YOU?!”

“WELL YES. EVEN FAKE DATING A LIAR LIKE YOU IS TOO MUCH FOR ME.”

Remus’ eyes filled with tears and suddenly he felt guilty. His face hardened, despite the tears.

“Well fuck you Black. We can fake break-up or whatever you need.” He said that very low and yet, it felt like the worst blow. Remus moved to his room. He came out dressed minutes later, grabbed his keys and phone and went out without any second glance towards Sirius.

As soon as the door slammed, Sirius felt his entire self crumbling. How did he do this? Of course, he would go and ruin everything. As always.


	4. Chapter 4

Remus did not come back for the rest of the day. In fact, Sirius had barely seen his flatmate over the past two weeks. It was impressive how evasive Remus could be when he wanted to. He had come back to the flat in the middle of the night of their _Big Fight -_ as Sirius mentally called it- when he thought Sirius would be sleeping. He was not though. How could he? With the way his insides contracted with the guilt at the image of Remus’ tear filled eyes. He had spent the entire day waiting and waiting for Remus to come back, so that he could explain and apologise or not. He could not even make up his mind himself.  
  


There were moments where he wanted to beg for forgiveness and at least get his friendship back. And there were others where he felt all that anger and rage and jealousy mixing up in his belly and all he wanted was to demand excuses from Remus. He had spent the day navigating between phases of complete apathy and restlessness, where he would start pacing almost everywhere. Finally, he conceded with himself to move to his room. It was clear the other man was avoiding him, pointedly not answering any of his messages or phone calls. He should just give him the space he wanted or needed. Straining his ears to listen to any sound, he finally heard the door unlocking around midnight. It was only then he allowed himself to fall asleep.

The next morning was the first time he had eaten his breakfast alone in all those years of flatsharing. Despite their different lecture schedules or any fights they have had in the past, it was _their tradition_ to have breakfast together, even if it was only burnt toast. Sirius felt he could barely stomach his tea with that thought in mind. It was only then he realised that maybe this fight be would be the end of them. What happened yesterday was serious enough for Remus to forego _their_ breakfast. He let himself out for his first class and felt his eyes prickling. Remus would always kiss him goodbye or give him a quick hug. He always did that. Since they were eleven. And now, he could not even bare the sight of him.  
  


Outside, he debated with himself on sending a text to James and tell him what happened and how it was went to drains. He wasn’t sure he could handle the sigh and words his friend would let out. He knew he would be right. But that would not make anything less painful. He arrived a bit early to his class, with not much students in there. He sat at his usual place and made up his mind-regarding different issues. He sent the text to James.

_The fake-dating is over._

_  
_ He would talk to Remus. There it was. He had made up his mind. He didn’t know what he would say, whether he would ask to be forgiven, whether he would forgive Remus ( _for what_ he asked himself for the last two question).

***

He came back to an empty apartment. Not that he was surprised. The tawny haired man had classes until six that night.

Sirius was lounging the living room couch when the door opened and a tired-looking Remus Lupin stumbled in. He closed the door with his foot, yawned and then, only then, his gazed swiped the room to land on the raven-haired man. Grey eyes met amber ones. They stayed like that for a few seconds, memories of the fight, of the fake-dating, of their pining and their friendship rushing back to them. Sirius opened his mouth to say something when the taller man tensed immediately-whether to fight or to take flight-Sirius could not guess.  
  


“I’m shattered. Already ate,” he mumbled and fled to the shower. Feeling his insides turning to lead, Sirius let out a groan and threw his head back and moved to his room. Remus was still intent on not seeing him. It seemed stupid and unnecessary to impose his presence on him.

That was how the next two weeks went on. The two of them barely meeting each other’s eyes, exchanging few words, Remus lying to his parents so that they would not talk to Sirius (“No mum, he’s at work right now.” “He’s revising. Got an important exam coming up.”) He had been wrong in thinking that Sirius could not hear him through the wall. The worst thing that happened yet was when James, LIly, Regulus, Remus and himself went out clubbing one day. Remus had ignored him all day long and through the journey, letting James mostly filling in the awkward gaps. The three Marauders were at the bar while Regulus and Lily were dancing. James were watching them with a fond smile over his glass, while Sirius was sending surreptitious glances to Remus.  
  


For all he tried he could not remember about what they talked about until Remus moved to joined the two others on the dance floor.  
  


“Pads, how are you really? Now you can tell me.”  
  


“Fine. Okay not so fine,” he added when he noticed the look James was giving him. “He’s not talking to me. Hell, he’s not even looking at me,” he said while his eyes were still on Remus who was dancing. He had always looked so hot when he danced. He would roll his hips dirtily and let all care to the wind. So many people had fantasized on him when he danced. Sirius knew. He was one of them. What wouldn’t he give to just join him right now, place his hands on his waist and pull him close. The two of them dancing, with their eyes locked. But he couldn’t. James was still talking but he could not even grasp the words because some bloke just tapped Remus on the shoulder and asked to dance. He scowled and turned towards the bar, asking for more drinks.

***

Remus was enjoying himself as he danced. It had been weeks since he allowed himself some fun. The atmosphere at the flat was tensed and the air thick with all those words shouted and those unsaid. He wanted to forgive Sirius. Hell he might have even forgiven him. But he could not bring himself to go back to their arrangement. _That is even if Sirius wanted to._ It was hard to pretend to have all those things he so desperately wanted and not really have them. That lunch with his parents had went so well that he had even imagined Sirius as his boyfriend. And those were dangerous waters. Sirius was not _his._ He never was. So yeah, that was why he hooked up with that guy at the bar. He needed to wash those feelings off.

So here he was. For once, the state of his relationship with Sirius was not the first thing on his mind. Both Lily and Regulus looked happy that he joined them. But then he felt some hands tapping him on his shoulder and a pretty bloke asked to dance. He was about to declined but chanced a glance at the two men at the bar. Sirius was glaring at him, his mouth set in an angry sneer and he heard all those hurtful words Sirius shouted at him.

_EVEN FAKE DATING A LIAR LIKE YOU IS TOO MUCH FOR ME._ _  
_

He said yes finally to the dance.  
  


* * *

Seeing Sirius a bit drunk and looking at him with those sad eyes made Remus stop dancing and go join him and James at the bar.

“Not a good catch Moons?” James asked him.  
  


“Mmm not really,” he answered carefully avoiding those intense grey eyes fixed on him.  
  


Finally, after some time, they all decided it was time to go back. Sirius and Remus took a taxi together. The black-haired boy was very drunk now, apparently forgot all his thoughts on giving Remus the space he needed and was now slobbering on his shoulder while playing with long fingers.  
  


“I miss you so much Moons. So much. That I feel I’ll die from the pain of it.”  
Remus felt his stomach doing a somersault and tightening immediately after. He was not even sure he could talk. Thankfully(or not) Sirius saved him from that and continued rambling.  
  


“You’re my best friend and I love you so much. I want us to be back like before or even-”  
  


“I miss you too Sirius. We need to talk. Really talk. And we’ll do that tomorrow. When you’re sober.” He pressed a kiss to Sirius’ forehead like he used to.

The journey to their flat was spent in relative silence. Sirius was already sleepy in the taxi. Winding his arm around the shorter man’s waist, Remus brought him up and put him to sleep in his bed.  
“Tomorrow we’ll talk.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally last chapter is up. All thanks to @renjacae (on tumblr) who is so wonderful and had the patience to beta read this.

Sirius felt every bone in his body aching when he woke up. All his joints popping and his head aching as though it was about to split. Reaching at his bedside table, he groped blindly for his phone, trying to find the time. Honestly what had passed through his mind that he had thought drinking that much would be a good idea.  _ Ah yes…  _ The thought of Remus going home with that guy was enough to make him try to drink all the scotch in the bar. But Remus had not gone home with that bastard. He had gone home with him. Well not like he wanted. But still a victory in his hungover mind. But that was all he pretty much remembered. There was something more, he knew. It was as though it was at the back of his mind, he only needed to reach it. Sighing, he resigned himself to wait until he was sober. _ Sober... _ _ When you're sober.  _ Ah there it was. He felt the blood leaving his face immediately. Remus hadn’t gone home with that guy not because he did not want to. It was because Sirius was drunk and Remus,  _ good Remus,  _ probably felt it was his duty or whatever to help Sirius home.

 

Groaning, he buried his face into his pillow again. The raven-haired man finally decided to wake up and be an adult and what not. Adulting was so overrated he thought. He was brushing his teeth when more of the events of last night  came onto his mind. It was probably their entire conversation, everything coming in like snippets came to his mind.  _ You're my best friend and I love you so much.  _ His face heated up at this memory. God he should absolutely not drink again. Never again! But then Moony had said he missed him too. Sirius could not help the smile on his face. However,  the fact that they needed to talk was what made his anxious. What if Remus said he could not carry on with their friendship or that he wanted to move out. What would he do? He was almost considering hiding outside. If Remus could not find him, he surely could not move out. Yeah that seemed like a good solution. He was already in his room putting on his favourite jeans and a t-shirt that did not smell too bad. He was in their kitchen when he noticed the paper bag on the table.  _ Croissants.  _ There was also some some painkillers and a note.  _ Pads, going out for some food. We’ll talk when I’ll get back :) _

 

Surprisingly he instantly felt more grounded and that need to run away had almost vanished. Swallowing the pill, he sat down and started eating. He was on his second pastry when the door opened. There he was. The glorious Remus Lupin. He gave him a smile, a bit shy, but a smile nevertheless and Sirius felt his stomach fluttering. He had not been on the receiving end of his smile for so long. “Let me put these things away. There are some refrigerated items in here and then we’ll talk.” Sirius only nodded and kept his eyes on the other man all the time. He caught a glimpse of his favourite mint cookies (the one Remus absolutely hated and felt himself floating.) Moony bought _ his _ cookies. Despite still not having resolved anything. He was not going anywhere. That was clear. They would go back to being friends. He could do that. He did pine for all those years. He definitely could handle that.

 

“I am sorry I ignored you the other day at the pub. You were right. I asked you to come and I should not have ignored you,” Remus said after joining Sirius at the table and stealing a piece from his croissant. He sat pretty close and the shorter man could feel the heat emitted from his body and the way his right foot kept tapping on the floor.

 

He placed his small hand on Remus’ incredibly large ones and gave him a soft smile. “I am sorry as well. I said loads of things, none of which I meant, of course. I am so sorry. I wish I could take them back. Really.”

 

Remus did not say much and only gave him a smile when he finally detached his eyes from their joint hands. He was about to suggest a movie or something when they heard someone knocking at their door. The tawny haired man gave him a look, silently asking if Sirius knew anything about this. He shook his head and went to the door.  _ Oh white Jesus!  _ It was Mrs. Lupin. Just the worst time to come. They hadn’t even discussed what they would do regarding the fake dating and here she is. Sirius was actually considering to maybe start praying or something. Surely this kind of shit did not happen to those who prayed?

 

“Mrs Lupin, sorry I mean Hope, how are you?” he asked, his manners coming back to him.

 

“Very well my boy. Remus hadn’t come in a few weeks. That’s why I’m here.”

 

After closing the door behind her, Sirius turned just in time to catch Remus’ flabbergasted expression. It was almost hilarious.

 

***

The day had not gone too bad. His mom had only chastised him and Sirius for not coming and their lunch.

 

“What do you mean you intended to eat just pastry for lunch? I did not raise you like that young man,” she reprimanded him. He shot a glare at Sirius’ gleeful expression.

 

They finally decided on going for lunch outside. Everything was fine, at least as fine as it could be. His mom mentioning the clothes on the floor only once, the content of their fridge and cupboards only twice and him and Sirius were doing quite well. At least that was what he thought.

 

“How come you two lovebirds are not affectionate at all towards each other?” she asked just after saying goodbye. She had even narrowed her eyes in that fashion of hers when she did not intend on letting things go.

 

“Oh well, just...erm just like that,” Remus answered. Even to his ears that sounded weak.

 

“Nonsense! You two are young, you should be bonded to the hip instead of standing one metre apart. Come on you two kiss now.”

 

Remus felt his face blanching immediately.

 

“Mom no, come on-”

“Hope I mean we can’t-”

“No you can. Come on now Remus. Ever since you two got together, I have not seen you two acting like a couple. You still are like best friends.”

 

Swallowing, Remus nodded. He knew she would not let it pass like that. He distinctly heard Sirius make a choked sound as he approached him. Looking into his eyes for any discomfort, Remus let their lips meet when he found none. He had intended it on being a peck, but apparently Sirius had other ideas. He could feel his friend’s on his waist pulling him close, Remus’ hand automatically going into those black locks and when their mouths opened, Remus swore he could easily forget about anything else. After some seconds or minutes, he finally remembered his mom was still at the doorway and pulled away. Sirius’ lips were swollen red, his cheeks flushed and his pupils blown wide. Remus was sure he had the same dazed expression on himself.

 

His mother looked almost smug and so happy. Saying goodbye to her again and to send a text when she is home, Remus led her out to the elevator. Taking deep breaths he made his way back to the flat. Okay, so what they’ve kissed. They did kiss each other before. Almost every day in fact. True it was usually just a peck. But that did not matter. It was like their drunken snogs while still at school-it did not matter. He kept this litany going until he was inside. Sirius was still standing at the same spot, though looking more composed.

 

“We need to talk a-”

 

“We have to talk-”

 

“Okay go on,” Sirius said.

 

“Okay thanks. We need to talk. Really talk.”

 

“Clearly,” the other man answered with a wry smile.

 

They made their way to the couch. Remus could not help noticing the space Sirius deliberately kept between them.

 

“Okay I’ve been pining after you for ages Sirius. I can’t go on with this fake dating anymore. It hurts me too much...I understand that you may not want to be my friend anymore...or even as my flatmate. And I’ll move if you need-”

 

“Fuck Re,” Sirius whispered, immediately banishing that space between them. They were sitting so close now that Remus could feel his breath on his face as Sirius took his hand. “God, I...I’ve pining after you. For so long. Fuck...I want this, you. You’ve only been the only one…”

 

Remus swallowed a sob when Sirius palmed his cheek, his thumb drawing lines on his cheekbone. Their faces were so close now, their breaths mingling.

 

“Can I? Please?”

 

“You don’t have to ask.”

 

And then their lips met. Oh it was glorious. Sirius’ lips were so soft and pliant beneath his. They  both moaned when their tongues met. Pressing their foreheads together when they pulled away, Remus asked: “This is real right?”

 

“It better be. Or it’s just one of my wet dreams.”

 

***

The next morning, they went to their friends’ flat to find Reg making tea in the kitchen while Lily and James were watching Sirius’ favourite show.

 

They eyed their joint hands and all three cocked an eyebrow.

 

“So fake dating is over?” James asked.

 

“You had told them?” Remus asked indignantly. Sirius only shrugged but at least had the decency to look a bit sheepish.

 

“Well yes it’s over. Real dating now.”

 

“Pay up losers!” Reg exclaimed as he entered the living room.

 

Both James and Lily groaned. “I was THE one to tell them to talk. I should not even be paying.” James said.

  
Remus and Sirius only rolled their eyes at their friends dramatics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We can talk on my tumblr @remusmoonyblack-lupin

**Author's Note:**

> Come and say hi on tumblr at remusmoonyblack-lupin


End file.
